Life here is slow, very hot at 90 plus degrees for the last 3 weeks in a row....

I've been able to get myself a few nice things with the extra cash I've come into, nothing fancy, or expensive. I did get just about the cheapest radio there was, at Wal=Mart. It provides great sound at a low price, plays my CD's, and cassettes and doesn't have that terrible hum that my old player had.

Hopefully we'll get some of that rain is coming this way from the west, the ground is parched brown, and crunches instead of being lush green.
The corn crops are ruined and beans aren't growing big.

Only because we water our vegetable garden does our little apt. complex have fresh healthy produce. The stores are charging outrageous amounts for stuff that isn't tasty.

It seems that at every turn I receive sad news in the mail or online. I guess that's life, and one has to keep smiling and just keep on truckin....ya.

Last night I was lost in a dream world, one I'd choose over life in a heartbeat. It was that sweet. I was dreaming that a friend and me went to a movie, and of course my kid sister wanted to tag along. She was young again, so I must have been young too! The gentleman was tall, dark, and handsome. I felt so shy, yet risked everything by reaching for his hand to hold. He didn't refuse, and the dream was so innocent and tender from there onwards......at one point I walked out on a pier, swishing my toes in the water, and then delibertely fell into the lake and came up laughing.
We didn't have enough change for the movie so I opened a tool chest and dug around until I found coins for us, and then there was more obstacles to our seeing the movie, however we got a few kisses in and some hugs. I was so happy in the dream.............

And so it goes. Reality is much sharper, less warm, much less tender. People I love and care about have their own issues, their own lives to live, and have tossed me aside like so much used tissue. Oh well, I have things going on too, I really do wish them well, I just can't promise that I'll still be here for them when they remember that I exist.

It was heartbreaking to read of Valentine's suicide, what a month to discover it, the month of the prom we attended back in 1962...It leaves me with such an ache in my heart, such a big hole there now...unfinished business and pain.

Then a couple of weeks ago reading of my cousin's approaching death from cancer, she could be gone by now. Actually she's the daughter of my cousin T. and I'd been corresponding with her daughter and felt so sad that I didn't live closer so I could be a support person for her. She's only 14.

As soon as my life settles down a bit more, probably by spring, I'll be ready for a major life change. Again. I've heard that one can't run away from problems, for wherever ya go, there you are....well I've worked on my problems, and now am ready to leave this old life behind.
It's great to see that my adult son has made such immense progess, he's been doing things that tell all of us that he's alright. He's so comfortable where he's living, that the other day he went out into the community room in his cut-off sweat pants and tee-shirt and delivered two boxes of jigsaw puzzles to the manager. Wow! Before he'd never have answered the door in those shorts, much less worn them around his apt. complex.

One thing I've discovered by being alone again is that it's not much fun to cook for one's self.....it's too easy to just eat some cheese, drink some milk, have some toast....
Not self pity, just don't enjoy cooking for the self. More fun to cool for others.

Mostly miss my daughter and grandchildren.....and the days long gone by........ya.