Time, it seems to stand still as I sit and gaze out the living room window.
Clouds meander by and depending on the day can be like mashed potatoes, feathers, stairsteps, cotton balls, or even a dragon...

There's much to do in my new apt....today the handyman brought me up a rocker/recliner that had belonged to the lady that just passed away two weeks ago, that and her new entertainment center. The family didn't want it, and told management to give to someone in need....so management came up to see me yesterday and noticed that I needed a chair, ( I have the one green recliner and it's on loan from my son until I can get my own...)
and that my old tv cart was wobbly and not safe....
So now my living room looks nicer and I've been putting things away in my bedroom.
That room was the last to get fixed up and stuff put away, and maybe I needed to have made it my sanctuary right away. I sure notice how much better I feel for having made it look lovely.

Tomrorrow I have company coming for lunch! Two of the three cancelled last week....and another that couldn't make lunch last week...Oy! and now I don't have the ingredients for the lasagna! So they shall get spagetti, and there'll be homemade 15 bean soup if they just want a light lunch.

JGee it looks so nice here I don't want to go to bed! I've got a white Carnation with ferns on the table in the dining area and green candles to go with it.
After 40 years my home looks the way I want it to...when I look back ( I don't do this too often anymore..) I see the little tarpapered shack we lived in, with the outhouse just a few feet away, an old hand pump for the well.........it was soooooooo bad when we moved in there in July of 66......it'd horrify someone to read the details....

So much has changed over time.......today was another milestone, and there have been many, today I could see beyond the lines, the gray hair, the crepey eyelids and still see the smiling face and eyes of my father's "number 2" daughter...it was as if it all came together...

Two nights ago I watched a documentary on Public Television, didn't see all of it. I saw a doctor in Iraq, talking to prisoners of war, recording their ailments, their ages, one was a 9 year old boy....the doctor's family were talking about having been at church when gunfire errupted outside, shooting between the American soldiers and some others. The daughters were afraid to continue going to church.....it's almost possible to feel detached from this whole awful war until you see a family that is coping with it, hearing them talk about their friends and famiy dying, then it hits home...

Bush is so wrong it isn't funny,










fleaface

the blues seem to overtaken me lately, perhaps because of the work involved in the moving process, moving both my son and myself....
Add to that the sinus infection, and now the sarcoid that's in my liver seems to haver taken over my skin now.........saw a dermatologist about a month ago. It sounds rather selfish and selfpitying I suppose, but I'd like to just crawl into a hole somewhere, like the sick animal I am and just die.

I tried last night to give myself a mental boost by ordering some Avon, a little makeup and some perfume. That's something I haven't done for, well decades I guess. Ahhhhhh, make that about 7 or 8 years.
There's a lady here that's lost 80 #'s and gave me her clothes that are my size. Great! Lots of pretty clothes, including a "little black dress" with a jacket, as long as the dress. There's a pretty rose colored sweater with matching scarf, a coral button down sweatshirt, and a couple of black blouses, one is silk.
Now I just need some black slacks, a skirt, and maybe if I'm lucky I'll find some foxy shoes....

I heard from my kid sister, she wanted to make sure I"d gotten moved and settled ok. She's such a peach :) I could take the greyhound bus to where she lives, or a train, however there'd be no place for me to stay or sleep....my joints and bones can't handle the hard ground anymore, never used to have a problem with that....
I know she'd love to visit, I would too. In person is easier to talk and laugh, share memories, and discuss issues.
I don't want th coming spring and summer lost to doing nothing in regards to seeing her ....it's been since about 1993 since we last saw each other. I had gone to her place in northern Wi. and took my youngest with me, it was a good visit. Now it's been what, about 14 years...God....
I've always been the one to go and visit her. She never used to come and visit me, not since 1972...

Wow when I start thinking back on "what was" it scares me...good thing I'm living in the present moment!
Hope today finds things going a little better....I sure need a good friend here, someone to talk to and to listen to....why is it that all the good ones are so far away???
For the recork, I"m "considering" getting a cat versus a dog, because of my health and also have to be fair and smart about a pet choice....as much as I love dogs, maybe couldn't do justice to caring for one...cats are easier....not as affectionate or devoted though....maybe I'll luck out and find an affectionate one :)



fleaface

Supper is on the stove cooking, and I'm all worn out.
Am settled into my new digs for the most part, still have boxes here and there tho.
My son installed the internet stuff for me today, what a headache the modem turned out to be. Thank God he's so smart and gifted that way!

I've met lots of interesting new people, so friendly here! They go out of their way to introduce themselves, have given me a welcoming gift of cheerful flowers in a cup along with a gift certificate, and have gone the extra mile......

Then night before last I couldn't sleep and could feel a "soul" in my bedroom, knew it was death. I also figured that those kind of thoughts probably went along with the cold and sinus infection I've battleing so didn't tell anyone. Yesterday found out that one of my neighbors died night before last, at the same time I couldn't sleep and felt a "presence" in my room.
And so it goes, Monday is her funeral. So soon to lose a new friend...I guess that's what life is, a series of deaths....she was so nice to me, and she was so sad because she'd been told she had to move into an assisted living facility.
My son experienced the same sort of loss right after he moved into his new place, the caretaker passed away just two days after he'd finished getting settled...I wish now I'd gone and spent a day with him after that happened, he must have felt as lost as I do....I say that only cause I know he liked her.

Life will go on here, and there, and eveywhere, yet to me it feels as if a hole was left in the fabric of life, hopefully there'll be patches sewed on.....I know in just the short time I"ve been offline I've missed people that I "see" online, and am looking forward to hearing from them and also am hopeful that I'll still enjoy the internet yet live my life more in the now moment.fleaface