Rather a rainy, sticky, gray day here. Is it peaceful yet in Israel? I sure hope so. Thinking of all the deaths there is overwhelming.

The oddest thing happened to me yesterday....back on June 12th of this year I had a feeling that something was wrong, that something was amiss and couldn't figure out why. It happened again in July, on the 12th...strange, what was I forgetting?? Then yesterday I had this nagging feeling again, like I've forgotten something....like I was supposed to do something or see something..

Last night, after a very busy day of re-arranging furniture, yes I"m one of "those kind of women" I decided to watch one of my favourite movies, "Hans Christian Anderson". I searched and searched, to no avail. So I grabbed on of my "taped off of cable movies" and popped that into the VCR.

I clicked on and there he was, in all his glory! Black hair, brown eyes, and arms wide open as if waiting to hug someone in the audience. It was Leo Buscalia! I had taped a couple of his shows off of cable. I LOVE his voice, so full of inflection, soft one minute, high in excitement the next, joyful almost always. My hero!!

I watched all of one show and part of the second, trying to remember different quotes so I could use them today to convey to you how I "am" in the world, how I feel about people, life, joy, love, and death. He's inspired me since the 80's and being told about his shows is one of the few things I can thank my ex for.

My ex told me about his shows and said I might enjoy them, and when I became instantly enamored of the gentleman, my ex made both of our children sit and listen to Leo. OH they hated that! especially my daughter who was just becoming or coming into that age where parents don't know anything!

One one occasion Leo talked about this man, seems his wife had wanted a red satin dress to wear, and the guy wouldn't buy it or approve it or some darn thing. Well the wife died suddenly and the man was grief stricken, he buried her in a red satin dress. His cries to Leo though inspired Leo to write and talk about how important it is to care about each other, while we're still here. BEFORE it's too late.

Well my ex knew how much I loved the color pink, how much I love satin, and how I love ballet. He knew the story of the pink satin toe shoes from my childhood and how my dad threw threm into the furnace. For Christmas that year my ex gave me a nightgown and matching robe that were pink satin, and the name of the outfit itself was called "pink ballet". To write this breaks my heart, with tears flowing I tell you why I"m sad.

I wanted to write Leo and tell him thank you, for he helped our lives, our joy, our marriage, our outlooks on life. I didn't do it. I didn't write to him.
AND, last night after the shows, I went and online and saw that Leo had died of a heart attack on June 12th, 1998....

I didn't write him that thank you..now it's too late. This time the grief is valid and inconsolable.








fleaface