fleafaceIt's a gray, cool, humid Sunday morning here. If the sun comes out it'll be a scorcher.
The birds are singing, the rotten crows are making their loud, raucous calls, and for once the traffic is little.

I've been really homesick, on edge too as I have to tell my kid I'm moving out. My worker has done the paperwork and the whole process is underway. Looking for a place is a matter of deciding where to go.

I can't follow my heart. That would put me hundreds of miles away from my son. He really wouldn't survive that.

I walk around feeling like an invisible monster is biting me. This isn't good.

I held a puppy a few days ago. It was as sweet as could be, nothing like puppy smell to make one feel warm and happy. The only thing missing was Peppy. It wasn't him. Maybe an adult dog again is the way to go with this pet thing. I'm unsure and probably won't make a choice until I'm settled.

I wish our soldiers could just come home. Let the people in Iraq figure it out. We've done enough. Lost enough soldiers.

I don't understand what's happening in Israel between them and Lebannon. It isn't good.

I don't want to spend another winter in this apt. Perhaps not even in this town.

I'm disappointed with people over at the other place I blog. Guess I'll get over it, or else I'll be miserable a long time.

I could pull my hair out when it comes to my two sisters. What good would that do? Maybe I shouldn't give a damn what they do or don't do... one acts like she's got her nose in the air, and the other is homeless, making a living by prospecting for gold and gems, and getting food stamps and medical assistance to help her. What the hell kind of life is that?

Back in 2002, after a year of being online, I finally found a family website. I had typed my grandmother's name into a search engine and her name popped up. I read the story with glee and was delighted as I read further and found the website for the Flint family. I discovered that one of mom's brothers had had 6!! kids! I didn't know that Floyd Flint had that many kids with his wife, Lil. As I read the list of names, I came upon his 2nd oldest child's name, Joyce Flint. Try putting that into a search engine. I didn't have to, for all the information was there.
I almost fell of my chair. I shook so hard I couldn't hardly walk to go to my son's room to tell him the news.

When my older sister and I got together she was horrified that I'd told my son. Well hell's bells. He was 25 at the time. Not like he was 10 or 12 years old! She hasn't told her kids yet. They're all adopted and that's the only reason I think that she believes is best not to "burden them" with it. It took her until 2 years later to finally dawn on her just what all the implications are. It took 2 years to give her that "punch in the gut" feeling. Her words, not mine.

Why? why our family? we have enough stuff going on. Did this have to happen in our family too??? Unfair. Not right. So many kind, generous, intelligent, educated, professionals in our family and this happens? Those of us that aren't professionals, or educated beyond high school, are still kind, generous, happy people.

So the sun has come out, and for now there's a breeze to soften the sun's rays. In an hour or two I'll need to shut the place up again. Drats! Autumn is being anticipated this year!!