Damn this blasted depression....I go along just fine for awhile, talking to people, living my quiet little life and then BANG!
Memories come flooding back, sometimes triggered by an innocent remark or innocent look and the tears are right at the surface, ready to flood my face, leaving no trace of make up and no doubt as to the state of my mind.

Usually winter is the hardest to cope with, dark grey days of cold air and ice everywhere, punctuated with snow dropping like so many blankets, smothering the earth.

Spring is wonderful, with the birds singing, grass coming up green, trees leafed out and the smell of lilacs wafting down the neighborhood streets...
kids are playing outside, happy to be out of their homes for periods of time longer than just getting off the bus and running pellmell for a warm house.
The family across the street is putting in their yearly flower display, and it's better than any Christmas display I've ever seen! The elderly gentleman next door to me got out this device that churns up the dirt and he worked steadily all morning making the earth ready forhis crop of tomatoes and green beans. Him and his wife told me I can use some of their yard for tomato plants and whatever else I want to plant.

The House Finches have settled comfortably into their nest on my air conditioner and now sit on the shepard's hook and the male sings while the whole time he's looking straight into our living room. I try to copy a few notes by whistling, and he'll sing a few more. So I add a few more notes and then he bursts into outrageous song!
I told one of my lady friends that these birds have trained me very well, when they want to be fed, they start screaming and screeching, one ever flew into my patio door, thinking it was just sky, and had quite a tumble. The poor baby got up, walked a few steps, hopped a few, then took off flying ok. So anyway when they want seed they let me know!

The two teachers across the hall are moving out and the landlord said we can take their garage as it's right outside our apt. Right now we have to walk all the way down the parking lot on the far end, and it's ok 3 seasons out of 4.

So what's wrong you say? a little bit of insight into my own behavior has left me rather saddened, disappointed in my self, not liking aspects of who I am, what I was, and how I am....

time is short, I need to cut this short. Maybe early morning will be better for this task...








fleaface